Jacket, Bag, Sweater, Pants: Forever21
Heels: EgoShoes Clear Pumps
“What have you been eating?”
“Are you not going to the gym anymore?”
“You have gotten so big.. what happened to you?”
In disbelief, I quietly smile at these comments that have become a common never-ending ringing tune to my ears. Figuring out whether to explain myself or hide behind a closed door. Sad to say…these comments would come from members of my church, family and even close friends.
When I post a photo, it’s, “Your arms look so big..slow down in your eating.”
When I go outside, it’s, ” You have gained some weight I see. What have you been doing huh?”
I am not upset that I am being asked about my weight…I am upset that people feel the need to ask me about my weight in such a degoratory manner. Instead of asking me about my weight, how about you ask me how has my day been going? Have I gotten any sleep yet? Have I been doing okay since graduating from college? Is there anything on my mind? Maybe then, If I am asked those questions you’d realize why I have gained weight. Now, granted I am getting older and I will not look the same as I did years ago. My thighs and behind have grown to the extent that my jeans no longer fit and that’s okay. Why? Because I am a woman and most importantly and African woman.
After graduating from college in May of 2018, I came back to my humble beginnings, the Bronx. At this time, I started a new internship and decided to pick up some shifts at my old retail store. I would head out the door at 5:30 am and come home at 11 pm most nights. Some days I would work double shifts leaving me with no time to engage in any physical activity and perhaps meal prep like I usually did in college.
Now, if you are a native New Yorker you will know that our lives are pretty much grab and go and as a result of all that you can pretty much have whatever you want whenever you want. As a result of all that, I would pretty much eat anything from fries to sandwiches to pizza and lets not forget those free lunches at work.
I never really paid attention to my eating habits or how fast I was growing in weight because I was so worried about my job, making money, performing well in my rigorous graduate program and most importantly about my future plans. I did not have time to worry about things that affected my health as sad as that sounds and I am sure many of you can agree to that.
As life got harder over the last year, my weight jumped from 160 to around 180. I no longer was the small girl I used to be and I could no longer fit into my size 8 dress or jeans. I would find myself slowly crying into the mirror and hating what I looked like. I found myself avoiding doing what I loved the most: blogging. I found myself comparing myself to girls on Instagram and secretly saying to myself, ” I wish I had her body.” I found myself avoiding going out to places such as weddings or even get-togethers because I hated how I looked in anything I would put on. I found myself shopping for things that would cover my belly or even oversized shirts or perhaps wearing my boyfriend t-shirts to cover my body… I slowly began to HATE MY BODY.
If you follow me on Instagram, you would know that I would often start diets and go to the gym often. However, as my semesters got hectic, my routine started to fall. Being in a master’s program is not a piece of cake and can take over your life. You will find yourself drowning in work.
So when you ask me if I have gained weight please remind yourself that your words can have an impact on people and how they feel about themselves. God did not make everyone to look a certain type of way. I am more than my weight and quite frankly my worth is not attached to my weight. Yes, I wake up every morning and see myself so there is no need for you to tell me or use your words to make me feel like shit.
I may have not reached my goal or reached the weight I want to be but I will… maybe not now but I will.
I say this in the kindest way: STOP COMMENTING ON PEOPLES WEIGHT. Thank you.